I love you more

Last week, we as a family, started sign language lessons to open up your world of communication quicker. We hope that this makes it easier for you to express your feelings and desires. We are only learning basic functioning signs as of now. The kids are really enjoying the signing and Joy teased me yesterday with signing "I love daddy more." Seriously, Joy!? Eli had fun with asking "more milk please", and Anna and Ezra are enjoying trying to spell things with the alphabet!

I have a stack of books that I'm reading about a possible condition you may have. I am about to start a PECS book for you to help you get across what you want, need or feel in hopes that your language will explode and we can throw it away. I'm not putting a label on you. I did so immediately and that wasn't right. Once the words left my lips, they're out there floating around for eternity, and I hate that. We don't know why your language is delayed and why you are doing stimming behavior. We don't know if you've been meticulously cared for or completed neglected. We can, however, see your world around you in the videos and it doesn't seem positive by any stretch of the imagination. But, I'm not putting you in a box. We won't know your needs until you are home and we are ok with that. We have to be ok with that! I hate you've been waiting since the day of your birth. I hate that you aren't getting therapies that you need. I hate you aren't sitting at a table for dinner with your family. I hate that you aren't exploring the world around you - splashing in puddles, creating sidewalk chalk art on our sidewalk, or blowing bubbles in the wind with your family. But, I have to remember that you will be very soon!!!! We are preparing for the worst and praying for the best. So many possibilities of what could be going on by two videos and a couple of pages about your life. It isn't right that a we have is a couple of pages. You are so much more than that!!!! You deserve so much more. You'll have everything you could deserve soon. We are working, learning, preparing, and waiting for God to say "GO"! We will never be more happy to hear those precious words.

On the night you were born

One thing we know for sure about your life is the day you were born. We don't know much. Adoption comes from such loss. You share a birthday with my late grandmother, a cousin, and your proud brother, Eli! He is so proud to share with day with you. He even asked on his own if he could share a birthday party with you and Joy because all three of your birthdays are in June or May. We are so happy to have this piece of knowledge about your life. Your birthday is such a special day and we know the exact date; it's simply amazing to us to know! We love you and are thinking of you. We pray for you all the time and cannot wait to see you. We have a video of you saying "Mama" and I bet I have watched it 84939291 times!!!!!! I just want to hear the word "Mama" from your sweet lips! We are so blessed!

Love you,

Mama

Humbled

I wanted to write to you at the most inopportune time in my day to be writing, but I want this to be written while my feelings are fresh. The phone rang out and I went running. In the middle of individual reading time with Eli (mid-story), signaling to Anna as to what to do next and somehow watching to make sure Joy colors the appropriately labeled leaf on her worksheet, you were priority in this moment. We heard yesterday that the orphanage was sending video and photos of you. This would be our first "live" glimpse of you. This is the moment where I saw you on an ultrasound. Yes, I've seen your photos, but in these photos and videos I saw you.. the real look into your life. We know what to expect, what kind of therapies you will need, how to communicate with you, and we are working. Working to learn sign language as a family, and making photo laminated books to aid in your communication. We are your advocates - your family. You don't know who "Mama" is, but when you speak and say "mama"? I melted, into a thousand puddles, I melted. You are perfectly made. You are so unique and out of the box. You are such a beautiful challenge for our family to love on people that may be different than us in a lot of ways, but ultimately exactly the same. We are so humbled that you are ours. Humbled... totally humbled. We love you, Evie Li and we will fight to the depths of our soul for you. We will give you everything you need to thrive. We are your biggest supporters and will be by your side through it all!!!! I notice that the play area outside is nonexistent. I notice the children playing, yet there is silence. I am seriously doubting anyone has ever truly poured into you like you will get in a family - not even close to what we will give you. I am praying to get to you as quickly as we can and that the process moves smoothly. We cannot wait to hear "Mama" for the first time!

We all love you,
Your family!!!

Life

Dearest Evie Li,

You are such a rainbow after the storm. The waters are still surging, and always will I'm afraid, but it simply goes to show that a loss cannot be replaced by someone else. You are a different child, one that was chosen and loved from the second we saw you. You are not a replacement. You are treasured and we are your lifetime advocates. We will fight tooth and nail for you just as our others. We are a close-knit tribe. Once you find your tribe, you love them hard. You are the missing piece to our puzzle and we are so thankful we found you. Your name was lovingly chosen by your parents and your siblings. We all had to agree! The only rule to naming you was it must be Biblical to match the others. Evie isn't truly Biblical, but is derived from Eve and Bible girl names were hard to agree on! Your name means "life"... life that was sanctified by God, unselfishly honored by your birth family, and treasured and fought for by your forever family. I pray your stoic face softens quickly upon meeting us as we grow in love. We cannot wait to be with you and get to see your area where you were born and raised for six and a half years. Your siblings are sleeping in your room tonight, anticipating your arrival. We talked tonight about where you would sit at the table (yes, as of now we have two empty seats hehe). The siblings really fought over you. They all want you to sit beside them. We hope we get the most wonderful Christmas blessing this year that will last a lifetime!!!! My head is spinning off my shoulders with thinking about WINTER clothes (arctic it seems), Joy's upcoming surgery, school, adoption paperwork, Halloween costumes, Christmas gifts, and sweeping... at some point? Through the busy, we realize it's a season and it's all worth it. We can't wait to wrap our arms around you and just LOVE.

Until we meet,
Mommy